Sea sprite

Quick sketch at work. She will need scales and probably fangs

Resolutions

The New year is almost upon us. This is always the time for resolutions changes and the birth of hopes and dreams. As with any resolution, habits cannot happen overnight. Each step taken even the smallest ones need to be taken to achieve your goals,afterall one would not expect a person who never played a note on a piano to wake up the next day a concert virtuoso. Even the most talented artists become so with elbow grease and lots of dedication.
Then why is it that our society expects perfection overnight? In our modern north American society of instant gratification is the norm. We want everything now. Get skinny fast- read quickly, multitask and instantly learn a new skill- no effort involved!

Anyway, the plan this year it to take things step by step, slow and steady wins the race! i hope! hahaha. I will keep you posted on how my step by step process of learning stuff will develop.
I need to reach those goals

Fatigued - why am I doing this again?

Its been a while since I posted anything. I ended up taking some freelance work and as usual the work is proving to be taking over my personal life, meaning I end up having no personal life and thus no blog posts. No drawing at home, or even a doodle. My creative outlet is temporarily closed down.

However in these types of situations it always seems "temporary"- until its 2-3 years later and I am still grinding away and 30 pounds overweight.
I am starting to wonder if in this industry I can possibly find a balance between career happiness and personal happiness. In the last couple of years I have worked at various companies. If I end up at a large company I find myself a cog in the machine, one of many easily replaced in this age of digital education and cheap computer hardware. Anyone can learn to do what I do, but that's a point for another blog post. If i go to a small company they work you to the bone, mainly because what I am seeing in this economy is that no one has any money. They will pay you a decent salary for 1 person, but you will end up doing the job of 2 people.
And this is not a big complaint on my part- I can understand the situations companies are in nowadays, but my main issue is how to fulfill my personal and creative goals and still find peace and happiness at work.

This unbalance in work, and home life leads me to question my choice in career. In the past have been I have been angry when i fall into this type of situation , angry with myself and  with managers who imply the overtime, and the fear and guilt that comes along with the option of saying "no" to the implied overtime. But now I am thinking this is all within my control. Its making me questions why I feel guilt and fear, when I am the one who is letting this happen to me. What will happen if i say no? Probably nothing. Will the heaven's open up and strike me down with lightning? Most likely not.  The worst that may happen would be I wont get hired back for more work.  Either way at this point in my life I am not further ahead of the game. I don't own a house, I don't have roots anywhere because I move so much. I have no kids because work is all I do.And in the same breath, maybe because I have no house, no spouse, no kids, no debt, this is the perfect time to say no. I am not being held hostage by my mortgage, or financing my child's education. If i don't have a job tomorrow its ok, because I don't have a bank coming after me for money. I won't be able to go out, and my budget will be very limited, however since I got laid off from bedlam I am already in that situation. And I am finding it extremely difficult to procure myself a permanent job in Toronto. Maybe this is a sign.

A sign to pursue what my heart is telling me to do. A sign to take it slower, smell the roses, look at the sun or feel the rain on my face when I walk outside. A sign to put down the cell phone, email, android/iphone, and take in what is going on around me, take in life and live.

When I am old and I want look back on this point of my life and see myself as someone who accomplished what they wanted to do, not someone who is angry, disappointing and bitter. Not someone over stressed, fatigued and unhappy. I just need help finding the right balance, and if that includes adding the word No to my vocabulary then that might be what I need to do. After-all,  you only live once.

Forest Whitaker painting caricature

My drawing of Forest whitaker. I always seem to personalize my drawing/painting time. as if i am having a nice cup of tea with them. Learning about their lives as I look at their faces. First I do my sketch, now i'm doing the painting part, which is going to take me a lot of time. I will post updates later tonight or tomorrow depending how late i work on this

Monster Painting

Initial sketch on painting

First layer of painting going in

I am currently working on a series of paintings. This is the first one, its entitled Fall. Its a little girl with a monster , walking hand in hand in the park. the monster might change a bit more, but he is a bird monster. Maybe she is showing him the way to fly south for the winter, or maybe they are on their way to the nearest shop for a cup of warm coco!
Work is done in Acrylic on a 12X16 Canvas.

Lupe

Lupe and I had a wonderful Saturday Evening. He didnt buy me dinner. He didnt take me to a movie. Nope but we connected. My wacom tablet with his beautiful face. Actually this is for an assignment, but I got to say this dude has lips! big juicy ones that were so fun to draw.
My hands hurt now, so i'm going to go and dance.

Ciao

The Four Agreements

This is a book i have come back to over the last couple of years. I would say that it has some of the best guidance for everyone. A toltec wisdom book. I seriously did not know anything about toltec until i picked up this book a few years back.
Its really something people should pick up. It seems as I mature and grow I seem to find new and different wisdom from this book depending on what is going on in my life.
First agreement Be Impeccable with your Word. I think that speaks for itself. Essentially its honour your word. Its so simple but its something most people do not keep. 
Second Agreement - Don't take anything personally.

Third Agreement- Don't Make Assumptions
I have done this before. I assume something is happening because of something that is not in my control. Either because someone did not like what i did or said, but in the end, because I know I am very professional when i work, i know that its just my mind making assumptions. People will always have other motives for doing things that in most cases have nothing to do with me. In the end I have learnt to have confidence in myself and not take these things seriously. Thus going back to the second agreement. not to take it personally.


Fourth Agreement - Always do your best
This one is very important. Not less important than the others but just to remember to always try your best. yes somethings might not work out but if you tried, and put 100 percent of yourself into whatever you are doing, then you will never regret your actions. Do your best -No more no less, if you overdo it, then this is a waste of energy. At the moment I truly feel a period of transformation and i am going with it!

Take the time -read the book, its so little, it takes no time, either on your  commute, or a plane ride or waiting for friend, then you can pass it to them afterwards eh!  Ok upward and onward.

Below is the work i am doing tonight for a caricature for the course I am taking. I can never stay still, so I am learning to paint in photoshop. ANd hopefully I can do freelance illustrations soon and work independently.

Happy Weekend Everyone